I didn't know what to expect. I was afraid of two things
-well, many things, really-
but two main ones.
They weren't irrational fears, I think. I was afraid of what was to come--the unknown. I didn't want to close a chapter I've been writing for so long and start a new one in a place where I knew and had no one. I didn't want to move ALONE almost 10,000 miles away from home. But I had to, and here I am. One college year down and three more to go. And I am more grateful and excited than I could ever be. Who knew that girl who was so afraid of the dark would end up doing things she never would have dreamt she had the confidence to do?
I was so afraid to leave a family I've known for 10 years, but I found a new one here: starting with my five suite mates (and friends outside of my suite, of course), my Christian fellowship group at school, and finally my church family.
I'm so grateful to know that a loving God and Father paved the way for me here. I never would have guessed what He would do this year; He surpassed all my hopes for the year, even if maybe it didn't turn out the way I thought I wanted it to. A friend once told me to make a list of all my fears and I'll see God cross them out one by one. And that's exactly what He did. The moment I stepped on campus, all I felt was peace and comfort. My months of worrying and anxiety before I left were truly all for nothing. Today, I find myself not wanting to leave the friends I've made here and the home that I've made in this tiny dorm room.
I would say that's a pretty successful freshman year. I learned a lot academically, too, of course, but the lessons I valued most were life lessons I got from the loving Creator. He taught me what it's like to have a relationship with Him, with all its laughter and anger; He taught me what His grace looked like in my ugly, sinful life. Things certainly didn't go the way I wanted--maybe I'll never understand why He did certain things--but I'm here, and I'm grateful for everything He's done. I honestly wouldn't have changed a thing. He's writing my story, and maybe it's not like everyone else's, but it's mine. And it's His plans for me--the Creator of all life has got it all under control for me. Honestly, how much better does it get?
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